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She wanted to wake up eachexhilarated

She wanted to laugh and love and feel

"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt--"

"When?" Her mother had risen fro four inches taller in her heels "When did you do this?"

"February is when I learned that I was accepted, but I applied in the fall"

"I can't believe you would do this to me" Genevieve raked Serena froe Secretly accepting a spot there Secretly e I've sacrificed to help you become a star"

Genevieve's hand rose as if to slap her, and Serena was already flinching when herraw and icky had her wondering if the reason the slap hadn't co herandSerena'sface before tomorrow's shoot

"I reainst my mother," Genevieve said in a voice that was suddenly too cal"

It was alhly that she was no longer even fighting with her about it

"You'll soon realize how crazy you're being" Genevieve's eyes were cold Certain "I have no doubt that you'll be back Soon Especially when you realize that you will never, ever fit in with the other students Do you really believe that you will be able to walk around on campus like a normal student would?"

It was as if she had pointed a laser straight at the heart of Serena's biggest fear Not just that she wouldn't be able to hack a full load of classes and difficult tests, but that she wouldn't fit in with the other freshirlfriends, not when she'd constantly been on planes with only her mother as a companion Serena was utterly terrified that she would always be a freak and that she'd never be able to live a norht

But Serena's drea that she was finally willing to risk everything to take a chance on them

Genevieve was almost out of the room when she turned back to Serena, eyes narrowed as if soht had just occurred to her "Is this about a boy?"

"No Of course not When would I even have met anyone?" How could I when you keep me under lock and key?

Her littered when she talked about how all men were scum, that they could only be trusted to take and use and hurt

"If I find out that you're tossing away everything I've given you for soet you," hervoice, "it will be the ultiive you"

But there had never been any boy, or any man, who had stirred Serena up inside She'd heard other le about their boyfriends, their lovers, but the truth was she'd not only never been kissed, she'd never longed for a kiss from any of the boys she'd known, either

"There's no one," Serena proe for me"

For the first ti entirely for herself And even when her mother slammed the bedroom door of their hotel suite in her face, Serena vowed to keep boldly sticking to her guns Nothe way

And all the while, Serena would also never give up hope that her ive herso that they could finally have a loving relationship that didn't have anything to do with business

Theout of the open dorm s drew Serena out of her memories of the conversation with her mother and back to campus When Serena had first , she had expected everyone else at Stanford to be a bookworm like she was Only to find thatbut books-- number of already empty bottles of alcohol

Thus far, she hadn't seen too many of her fellow students crack open a book, either How, she wondered, did they all e to be so carefree about their classes when she felt like she was drowning already? Were they all that much smarter than she was that they didn't even have to try? Good thing she loved the library soto be spendingtaught into her brain

But as she headed for the second floor and saw groups of students chatting and laughing as they got ready to go out, she had to ask herself--had she coe just to spend all of her ti a "normal" life for o

nce? Of taking risks and trying new exciting things that she never would have been able to experience in her old life? Of finally being free?

And yet, she hadn't been to one single campus party She'd always had a paper to write or a test to study for But those were just excuses And regardless of how much she loved books and the library and her classes, she knew there had to beBesides, she'd been to dozens of terrifying Hollywood parties over the years, so a campus party should be a piece of cake, shouldn't it?

Unlocking her door, she saw that her rooirls at the end of the hall ere clearly getting ready to go out Serena h her nerves as she headed over to them

"Hi," she said as the girls turned toward her She started to give an aard little wave before pulling her hand back ato a party on caht?"

Jen, a pretty blonde, nodded "Delta Tau Delta"

When Jen didn't say anything more, and neither did Larissa or Holly as they focused on pouring each other tequila shots, every cell in Serena's body screaht of studying before she made a complete fool of herself

No She needed to go for it, not hide out someplace safe like she had for the past teeks she'd been at school

"I'd love to join you guys, if that would be okay?"

Jen made a sad face "Actually, the three of us are already late We are just about to head out the door" She looked pointedly at Serena's clothes before adding, "And you'll probably need a while to get ready So maybe we'll see you there"

Serena had y jeans, sweatshirt, and baseball cap she earing Her disguise, as she liked to think of it, to throw off any photographers who et a picture of her to sell to the gossip sites

"Sure," she said, in what she hoped was an easy voice that didn't betray how la, only to have the answer be no She tried not to let her smile slip either "I'll see you there"

While the girls continued to drink and laugh as if they had all the time in the world before they needed to leave, Serena headed down the hall to the bathrooht, the shoere blessedly e up her towel on a hook in the tiled enclosure, then stood under the warm spray and tried to let it wash away her doubts about actually going to the party