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Prologue

Austin

I tied the belt tighter around my upper arm to stop the blood flow

Squeezing my fist every few seconds to pu to find old faithful It never did I leaned back against the old, dirty,“Mad World” by Andrew Michaels soround The lyrics iood ti but fucking happiness

This wasn't who I’d always been

Once upon a ti the way, I found solace in the haze of dependency, which hat led me to that place in time

I didn’t bother to take in s

It was always the same

Faed, always jonesing, alanting, always needing, always craving

More More More

And never enough

It wasn’t about being high anyone All that was left was the pursuit Day after day I was pulled down the proverbial rabbit hole with nowhere to turn, always trying to escape, chasing the non-existent dragon that only led to darkness

It was too late

It had me

The addiction

A tight grasp onoes up, must come down It’s the law of physics, the code of life I rode the high for as long as I could remember I had been so far up that there was nowhere left for ht to the botto ofin on me Soothe the ache, throw fire on the chill, and ease the nausea

The only thing I could do to feel as if I wasn’t dying was…

To kill myself a little more

I inserted the needle, welco My blood rushed in, and I slowly pushed down the plunger

I wanted it to last

I always do

It was the best fucking part

I pulled the plunger back out and watched with hooded, constricted pupils as ain

Heaven and Hell God and Satan Love and hate It all blended together For a clusterfuck of hope and despair

Now…

Now, I squeezed my fist

The rush

Tingles froers traveled up my arm and then, and then…

It hits

Siainst the couch

I don’t care that it’s dirty

I don’t care that it smells

I don’t care about one fucking thing

All the one in the blink of an eye As if it wasn’t even there to begin with All that was left was the free, euphoric, and blissful feeling of pleasure that only this could ever bringin the hollow existence that was my life The pain numbed

Even if it was only temporary

A few ness and I i in disappoint like I was dead inside, meanwhile I just killed myself a little etherI blinked a few times and just like that…

I saw her face like I always did

As if she was standing right in front of me

S

Happy

Laughing

My whole world…

My girl

My lips curled up slightly at the vision as I reached out for her Wanting to touch her, needing to hold her, yearning to kiss her Craving, God, craving to fucking love her

“I’m sorry,” I -infestedfor her to believe me

Aching for her to love ain like she used to

I don’t kno long I sat there, staring at her beautiful face beforethe tattooed daisy that was placed over my heart I couldn’t take it anymore, and the desire won over the haze

It was too powerful

It was too vivid