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PROLOGUE

Autumn

No one buys dildos at eight o'clock in the

I learned that ht with spreadsheets, cried over the light bill, and stocked bright pink butt plugs onto shelves

It was also why I was sitting outside a coffeeshop in Hollydell right outside of Navesink Bank because, apparently, in a town full of twenty different fast food restaurants, having an actual coffeeshop was too much to ask

The season was proving terees, but it was steadily on its way to the sixties, so I had grabbed ht iron tables-for-two right out front, flipping through the pages of a glossy azine like I had all the time in the world

I did

I opened ave the moms plenty of ti in for a new Rabbit, or tongue vibe, or - if there was an anniversary co or set of edible panties

In case it wasn't infinitely clear here - I own a sex store

They call it, officially, a "novelty" store or an "adult toy store" But let's be real - it's a sex store I deal in ing, vibrator-advising, proud owner of Navesink Bank's only sex store: Phallus-opy Because nainative Plus, when you went the "toy" route, there was the off-chance of so in with a kid With "phallus" in the name, there was almost no chance of that kind of aard screw-up

Don't want to scar the kids for life with the sight of a twelve-inch monster cock in rainbow leopard print or a unicorn-horn-shaped, glitter-infused butt plug

Heaven forbid

I shookthe full-fat whipped cream melt down into the ski to have a salad for dinner Followed by a huge slice of the chocolate cake I had picked up at the bakery over the weekend And don't try to tell ar in the oversized slice of cake actually ht salad null and void because, well, no one wants that negativity in their life Just let me live with my delusions

"You've got to be fucking kiddingup Shrill was not a good sign at eight in the et his balls handed to him "You won't even stop to talk to me? Seriously?"

Oh, boy

Crazy chick then