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Chapter 1

Reed

The first ti Nolan Lennox, she had just saved , and it scared the hell out of me I was only 17

Nolan and my dad were the only two people to have ever seen -for-breath, body-shaking cry And I was a child when I cried in front of my dad—not so much a child when I let it all out in Nolan’s areon’s knife, his heart cut open and failing

It was so about the way Nolan knehat to do, the way she took care of my dad when he had a heart attack—the way she took care of me The moments were brief, bit-flashes of time, but they also filled ht away, but chose to ignore it for a while It happened again when I thought soo to jail for having beat the shit out of him And it happened the first time I kissed her, I mean really kissed her

I stopped ignoring it, though, when I drove through the desert from Tucson to her dor, and I had just read her name in the newspaper story about the accident that broke us apart our senior year in high school—her words so sad, full of regret and guilt I let her go because I didn’t think I was good for her, didn’t want her to give up her dreaht on uess But she blamed herself anyway And I just had to fix it, had to hold her And when it hit as hard andin

The guy working the front desk of her building recognizedfor the wrong school and lettingto flatten my ass more than a few times I let him heckle me for a bit, before he reached for my hand and shook it—al to have to get used to this kind of attention

He gave ed up the steps three stairs at a tiot to her door, I pounded on it one, and most of the doors were closed and dark underneath A short, irl opened a door down the hall, and I walked over slowly, sone to some dance on campus I just thanked her and told her I’d wait so she didn’t wonder why I was hanging out in the hall

I must have dozed off after a few hours,in hts of her hallway I jumped when she kicked my feet apart, but when I saw her face, I remembered why I’d come all this way

Being in her rooh it wasn’t a place I’d ever been It was full of her When I saw the pictures of her and me on her wall, iven her—my lame attempt to let her know I still loved her—I knew I still had a shot

I’ve never beenmy words than I was for that brief conversation I had with Nolan that night And I probably should have led with begging for forgiveness from the start, but instead I wanted towas because of me, not her I wanted the blame, all of it

And with that one small word from her breath, yes, I kneas done The sensation of her lips on mine was an addiction The miles on my Jeep read 93,728, and all but 3,000 of those miles were treaded by irl who rules my world I knew she orried when I first caed her to give me one more chance But I made a pro it

I wanted her to know that she could count on reet her as soon as her classes were done on Thursday afternoons I didn’t give a shit that it meant I had to turn around and drive the saa several trips each week just to see her And when ga her close, and letting her call all the shots

My freshuys on the football teaht and rule the parties on fraternity row But I wouldn’t go unless Nolan ith hts ers didn’t try to ply her with liquor or hit on her

She finally convinced h our fresh late on a ainst Stanford We were serious underdogs, butaround celebrating The entire UofA cay, and it was the first tiet a little loaded I drunk-dialed her that night—several ti stupid, but she assuredbut sweet and romantic I’m pretty sure I embarrassed myself, but she didn’t tease