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NAOMI

SHIVER

I lie all the time

I lied to Mrs Loy from the fourteenth floor when I assured her that I walked her dog three times a day and watered her plants while she went to Atlantic City to win the money for her son’s sad operation (or for her own elective plastic surgery— I’m not sure)

I lied to the co-op board ofaboutroom wall in partial collapse soon after Dad left I also backed up Moe Monkeys will fly outta my butt before we’ll be able to coure, if Mo in ruins, why should the co-op board care?

I lied to the NYU Admissions Committee that I care about h school, and already I know this NYU deal is a losing proposition I live out the college fresh in my life that’s not in ruins—Ely

I lied to Robinfrom psych class when I assured her that Robinfrohth and Universityher and will call her There’s nofor me to move into the school doroes home on the weekends and letsThe apart where I’ve lived e real estate, but escape from it is my prime priority: escape from parent drama or my lies or Mr McAllister, the creepy up-and-down elevator ling me since I was thirteen and my breasts first announced themselves in the elevator mirror

I’ve lied to Moht at Robin’s when really I’ve stayed over at my boyfriend’s dorm room I lie to myself that I need to lie aboutit We’re ht, and—just sleep—’til he leaves in theclass I lie to hi is a hile subject to study

I lied to Robinwhen he won our chess gaton Square Park after that tiation to answer Truth to his ht question Robin said he’d watched fivelared at theood or evil Evil, I assured hiton Square Park on a winter s and people and machines of this hard, hard city batter its perfect, peaceful beauty

I lied to Bruce the Second when I promised ould have sex, the real kind, soon Very soon We’d barely made it towhen his RA walked in and interrupted us It felt like cheating on Ely

I lied to Bruce the First when I let him believe he would be my first Ely is supposed to be first I can wait Then maybe I’ll let Bruce the Second truly be second

I lied to the three different irl at the Astor Place Starbucks who eyed me in the wall mirror today and then wanted to sit in the empty chair opposite othemselves elsewhere I placed my feet up on the empty chair, to reserve it for Ely Only Ely

Mostly, I lie to Elylie to ee-lie

Ely callslate Be there in about fifteen s up before I can reply I lie to Starbucks that I even drink Starbucks while lounging around in their chairs, killing time

We’ve already survived so ether, what’s fifteen ained to spool my un-truths

I lied to Ely when I told hiive his mom for what happened between our parents I lied to Ely that I’s out and stayed together even thoughanymore, far away

I lied to e is done but it’s fine if she needs to take her time to process the fallout before she can find her future I lied by coh It’s not that I don’t think she can She just doesn’t want to

I lie to all the related parties when I let them believe Dad calls my cell to check in on me every week Once a month (the odd-numbered ones) is more like it

Dad’s not worried about me He knows I have Ely

Ely rarely leavesood-bye”— like a proether I lie when I throw back the words “I love you, too”

The coo along with the words “I love you” ought to be a whole ame, if anyone ever wanted to develop the concept

Player One: Naomi

Level 1: “I love you” toh your heartache Basic

Level 2: “I love you” to ed with coldness, distrustful whether he can actually deliver on the sentiment when he returns it Harder

Level 3: The playful “I love you” I throw at my boyfriend when he waits for rade of “I love you” is understood to have no intent whatsoever of L-O-V-E luuuv Our relationship is too new for that, and he understands this, too When Bruce the Second says “I love you” after Ido certain things with him, he is careful to immediately divert away, like “I love you when you yell at the frat guystoo ive uys only envy me more I love you for that” Whatever

Levels 4–9: Expressions of passion for the great loves of my life, like disco ames, the luck to have a life lived with Ely

Here’s where the gaets trickiest

Level 10 (but on a whole other plane, where maybe numbers can’t even exist): When I tell Ely “I love you,” but I’ tofrom his best friend / almost-a-sister And Player One: Naomi does mean it that way Genuinely Butand impossible ways

Game stalled