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When I say I’ literal

I’h to know I’host, I’irl in the background The average height, average weight, average hair color, non-event that eyes skip over instead of lingering on I slip silently through this yawning city I live in without sreet anyone for days at a time It’s been that way for the last six ers, and when I do it’s perfunctory; people know instinctively that I’m not primed for small talk Today is no exception

“Here’s your room key, Ms Fredrich” The receptionist in don Seattle’s Marriot hotel slides the plastic key card across the marble countertop Once she’s withdrawn her hand a safe distance, I reach out and palm it

“Thank you”

Eyes down, she’s stapling the paperwork created by my payment “So…business or pleasure?” The waristers the blank look I’ The smile slides from her face like butter from a hot knife

“Business,” I tell her, because nothing has ever been truer

“Okay, well…I hope you enjoy your stay” She looks away as soon as she’s done with the appropriate front desk script She doesn’t ask why I’ve turned up at her hotel with no bags, or why I’ht Or why I’ve left a spare key card at the front desk for a Mr Hanson She doesn’t ask any of that; she’s not supposed to Eli’s givenwill play out, and so far it’s almost to the letter I liftmy coat

Twenty-tenty-one, twenty, nineteen, eighteen…

I watch the nuht up one by one Each disc, the size of a dollar coin, lights up and darkens in turn, and the elevator descends while I wait, patient and unblinking There are other people waiting for the car to arrive If this were an office building or a shopping centre, I’d take the stairs; closed spaces and I aren’t exactly the best of friends, but since this hotel is forty-seven-floors high and I’ve booked a room on the forty-second floor, I’ll just have to tolerate the inconvenience of their presence

The doors slide back and I walk in first The other hotel residents—four business so past uys They’re wearing uy haircuts Their acco paid for by a cost centre funded by an accounting depart for penthouses They spring for double rooym and not much else No mini bar for you, Mr Corporate

The lift doors roll close and I retreat within ainst the rear wall of the elevator car I close my eyes, exhale down my nose This will all be over soon, but my heart still dances intrapped, of what I a to wreak havoc on my insides