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"Man, have a drink and lighten the hell up" Adapussy We've got booze, girls, and a suite in Vegas Ain’t got all that back in West Bend”

"Miss you, hah Fuck you, man" But I took the beer anyway It wasn’t his fault I was being an asshole I wasn’t a drinker, didn't like being out of control I couldn’t remember the last time I had a beer It had been years But this seemed like that kind of an occasion The end of an era

That sounded goddauy

But hell, I was an EOD guy Always had been, alould be I didn’t knohat to do outside of the Navy It's all I'd known since I was seventeen My o to boot camp early

And all I wanted was to get the hell away froreith

To get the hell away from the asshole My father

Now, here I was, headed right back to that shit Back to the shithole piece of land where I was raised Back to being a fucking pariah because of my brother

But not back to my father He died last week

I hadn't told a single goddamned person that he's dead

And I hadn't shed one fucking tear for him

“Here,” Chase said, handinga beer “Got the good fucking whiskey, too We’re high rollers tonight, shithead Drink up Once we’re done looking at tits, we’re going to go down to the casino”

I took a sip fro the burn of the alcohol as it slid down ht? I was flying, hurtling down the highway in the twilight of the early evening I could see the Vegas lights up ahead I didn’t knohere the hell I was going when I left Hollywood, but so in a daze I was still in a daze, y

I should feel soht More than just blank

Viper- yeah, that was definitely not not his real na Was

It was so hard to tell after a while, where he ended and I began There were so ers, our families

Our fans

I had no idea what I was doing right now The one thing I kneas that I had to leave

When I pulled up to the hotel, my hair was hidden, tucked up underneath h I knew it made me look ridiculously pretentious I always hated that kind of thing, the stars ould wear their sunglasses inside just because they were too cool for school

I showed the clerk the fake ID, gave him my fake credit card, the stuff I used when I couldn’t risk being found by the paparazzi I was using the photographers knohere you were - at least that had been my extensive experience

By extensive, I meant since I was discovered

It wasn’t always irls and boys Before all that, I was about as white trash as it got, living in a trailer withby on food stamps Well, to beof shitty boyfriends she paraded through the trailer, the ones that beat up on her, beat up on us

A few of them did more than just beat up on us

Not that she was any better If anything, she orse than any of theoat

And she was still part ofin a place I paid for

Fate is sometimes cruel, but not to the people it should be cruel toward

Everything changed when I was discovered, sitting on a curb in my tattered sundress, with my skinned knees and bruised arms, my limbs browned from a mixture of sun and dirt I was barefoot not because it was summer, but because someone had stolen my shoes at school and we couldn’t afford another pair My sister and I had been looking for loose change on the sidewalk, scrounging around to see if we could get together enough for a soda after school, but really just buying time away from the trailer because mom was inside with one of her boyfriends and it wasn’t safe to go home

~ ~ ~

He pulled up near the curb, in a shiny black car that looked like it belonged to a millionaire He stepped out, and when he paused as he walked by lasses, I thought I was looking at a prince or a king or so This man was someone important, someone special

And, as it turned out, he wasn't a prince or a king But he was someone special

He looked at aze, then squatted down to look me in the eye “Is this your sister?” he asked me

I nodded, too shy to speak

“You’re going to have to say so,” he said “What’s your name?”

“River,” I said

He smiled and nodded “It’s perfect,” he said, and stood up “You’re perfect Abso-fucking-lutely perfect Where are your parents?”

“My mom’s at home,” I said “Her boyfriend’s there”

He just nodded, didn’t say a word for aa pebble around underneath my foot

Then he cleared his throat “When’s the last time you kids ate?” he asked

I shrugged I was used to being hungry Had I eaten breakfast? I couldn’t reht?” I asked

“Where do people eat around here?” he asked

~ ~ ~

The rest was history The man was anof one of his films The first of many films And my life becalossed over the more sordid details of azines Every so often, the tabloids tried to dredge up details of the past- to interview one of my mom’s old boyfriends or talk to someone from my hometown But irl as plucked frolamour

It was supposed to be roses and sunshine, designer shoes and expensive chane for the rest of my life That was the fantasy That hat people wanted when they looked at estion of possibility- that they too ht be whisked away from their lives into the castle to live with a prince

It was the reason that , the live broadcast to rown up in front of cameras- and now I’d be married in front of them too

Inside the hotel room, I opened a box of hair dye, a dark brown color I selected at the drugstore where I’d ering on the box of fuchsia I’d briefly considered,else, someone other than the person I had become

But in the end I chose sensible brown, so that wouldn’t call attention to me

I still didn’t knohat the hell I was doing, here in a hotel, dyeing itive I needed to turn around and face things I needed to go back home I just wasn’t sure where home was anymore

After I finished the dye job, I raised the scissors totresses, non instead of blonde, a huge part of my identity

My ie was polished, classic- the past few years, I’ve been co was, I'd always eic, her demons so much a part of her that they eventually destroyed her

That was so I could understand

The pieces fell into the sink, curling at the ends, scattering on the flat surface of the countertop I chopped with the scissors until I rese I hoped was more pixie-punk than cut-by-a-laer