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Carter

I stare back at the nize ained ten pounds My eyes are puffy, and I look as if I haven’t slept or showered in a month I’ve been on a doard spiral, and I’

A o I was traded from the Mavericks to the Nationals And today, a out, and disrupting the teaht for my spot on the team, but I’m to the point that I don’t care anyet ht about what I needed to be doing I didn’t ether No, I went ho me here to the strip bar

The sound of theoff the walls, causing rown accusto; I’et it I’ve used soI can find someone so I can move on I’ve treated thenored , I’ve done it And I hardly ever give s start to rise up in my throat, I search for ways to bury the to find a woain

The thought of one wo to push the thoughts away and thethrough my head I turn on the cold water and splash some onto my face But it’s useless I can still re about her I’ve had almost two years, but it doesn’tabout her has been deeply embedded into every pore of my body The way her hair always had a clean fresh scent The way she always smelled of sweet peaches, and I loved for her to borrow one of ave it back to ht beside uing, wanted to hold o She was everything I wanted She was rade school and ent to the eighth grade dance together, ere inseparable after that We started as friends but ended up in love It was thelove that I’ve ever felt in ether, and I was given the opportunity to play professional baseball It’s what I dreamed of, but even then, she was more important to me than that Well, she was—until she wasn’t

Theme out of my head A man who is as bleary-eyed as I am comes into the restroom and besides a quick nod of his head, he walks by me and into a stall

I dry my hands off on my pants and stumble out of the bathroom to where the music is louder and the scent of ss I look to the bar and sit down on the stool and order another beer The bartender looks for a second like he may turn me down, but he doesn’t He pulls the knob and fills up a frostyand sets it down in front of me

I nod at him and spin my chair to look out, my back to the bar Before I even question it, I knohat I’et Forget her and the way she felt inup because I can’t live like this, like there’s a hole in my heart and it can’t be filled I rub my hand over my chest, al to soothe it

A woman slides up on the chair next to me and puts her hand onat her I know she’d be an easy lay As a matter of fact, she wouldn’t even require a dinner or even a drink She’d probably let me take her in the nasty ass bathroom I just came out of But I’et hard and I could bla, but I know that’s not it No, ever since I walked away from her, the love of et it up for anyone else I get hard when I’ of Hanna, but never with another wo I can think of to replace her, but I can’t Physically,a woman like shit because of it I’m scum and I know it As soon as I look into the wo her She has the saet, and I know there’s no way I could look at her Not for any extended aets the drift as she gets up and walks over to anotherantsy and my stomach is all knotted up, but I don’t knohy It’s like I know so is about to happen, but I don’t knohat I look around the rooot traded, I’ve been here quite a few ti new that I can see The saht man is still drunk, passed out in the corner like he is every other night The sae and it’s the sanore it, but the feeling is al it hard to breathe