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PROLOGUE

TINKER

My stoain, and I shuddered There was blood in the toilet Not a lot of blood, but not a little bit, either Big, stringy clots and bright red drips andsqueezingon the phone in my hand instead

“I’ht now”

Craig’s always-smooth, professional voice cracked as he said the words, because we both knehat he was really saying: Mr Graha his case was more ial was ashamed of him

“Craig, I think I’ the baby I need my husband Did you tell him that?”

Silence

“Tinker, he’s not coet to a hospital Do you have someone who can drive you?”

I looked down betweenas another drip of blood plopped into the bowl, creating a slightly darker spot in the pinkish water It wasn’t easy to see past one God, how had this happened?

“Yeah, I can call oing to the ER”

“All right,” Craig said “And, Tinker?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry”

• • •

My daughter, Tricia, was born still at eleven thirty ahed just over two pounds and I named her for my mother

• • •

The sun had gone dohen someone knocked faintly onthe knock, wondering what I’d done wrong I’d failed herShe was this tiny, precious thing, and I’d had one job—to carry her to term safely What kind of woman couldn’t even protect her own baby?

The knock caarita stirred in the chair next to me

Maybe it was Brandon

He’d texted an hour ago, saying that he’d be down just as soon as he could I didn’t care All that irl I’d wanted her so badly, even if Brandon didn’t, and now she was dead Dead What a terrible, ugly word

The door opened a crack, and a h

“Can I coarita, aved hi sadists put me on the maternity ward, because apparently that was the best place for me medically The sounds of other women’s happiness twisted the knife in my empty stomach

Tricia

My heart had exploded with love when I’d seen the positive pregnancy test, and then exploded again the first time I’d felt her kick Every day was a miracle, and I’d followed her developiously