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ONE

Summer 2015

There’s a picture of Mother Teresa that hangs on our living rooo if we could afford the kind of television that hangs on the wall, or even a home with the kind of walls that could hold a television

The walls of a trailer house aren’t made of the same stuff walls in a normal house are made of In a trailer house, the walls cruernails like chalk if you so much as scratch at them

I once asked my mother, Janean, why she keeps a picture of Mother Teresa on our living room wall

“The bitch was a fraud,” she said

Her words Not mine

I think when you’re the worst of people, finding the worst in others becomes a survival tactic of sorts You focus heavily on the darkness in people in hopes ofthe true shade of your own darkness That’s howthe worst in people Even her own daughter

Even Mother Teresa

Janean is lying on the couch in the same position she was in when I left forat the picture of Mother Teresa, but she’s not actually looking at it It’s as if her eyeballs have stopped working

Stopped absorbing

Janean is an addict I realized this around the age of nine, but back then, her addictions were li

Over the years, her addictions became more noticeable and a lot deadlier I think it was five years ago, right around when I turned fourteen, when I caught her shooting up ularly, their lifespan shortens drastically I Googled it in the school library once How long can a person live with meth addiction?

Six to seven years is what the internet said

I’ve found her unresponsive several times over the years, but this feels different This feels final

“Janean?” There’s a calht now I feel like my voice should be shaky, or unavailable I feel somewhat ashamed at my lack of reaction in this moment