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But it wasn’t okay The world was suddenly a cruel, hopeless place, empty with the loss of my aunt, queen of the Moroi and the only relative who hadn’t judged me I felt a lump in my throat, and the walls seemed to close in on me as I remembered the way she’d been stabbed to death and how they’d paraded those bloody pictures around when trying to find her killer It didn’t matter that the killer was locked away and slated for execution It wouldn’t bring Aunt Tatiana back She was gone, off to places I couldn’t follow—at least not yet—and I was here, alone and insignificant and floundering

“Adrian”

Sydney’s voice was caled myself out of the despair that could come on so quickly and heavily, a darkness that had increased over the years the more I used spirit It was the price for that kind of power, and these sudden shifts had become more and ht returned to the world I still ached for my aunt, but Sydney was here, my hope and , I nodded and gave her a weak smile as spirit’s dark hand released its hold on me For now

“I’ the doubt in her face, I pressed a kiss to her forehead “Really You need to go, Sage You’ll ”

She stared at er and then relaxed a little “Okay But if you need anything—”

“I know, I know Call on the Love Phone”

That brought her smile back We’d recently acquired secret prepaid cell phones that the Alcheanization she worked for, wouldn’t be able to track Not that they regularly tracked hersuspicious was happening, and we didn’t want a trail of texts and calls

“And I’ll coht,” I added

At that, her features hardened again “Adrian, no It’s too risky”

Another of spirit’s benefits was the ability to visit people in their dreams It was a handy way to talk since we didn’t have a lot of ti world—and because we didn’t spendworld these days—but like any use of spirit, it was a continual risk to my sanity It worried her a lot, but I considered it a s in order to be with her

“No arguo And I know you’ll want to kno things go for me”

“Adrian—”

“I’ll keep it short,” I promised

She reluctantly agreed—not looking happy at all—and I walked her out to the door As we cut through the living roo near theSon

No, really Technically, it was called a callistana, but we rarely used that term We usually called him Hopper Sydney had summoned him from some demonic realm as a sort of helper Mostly he see all the junk food in my apartment She and I were tied to hi out with him Since Zoe had moved in, however, my place had become his primary residence Sydney lifted the lid of the tank and let the sazed up at her adoringly, and I couldn’t blame him for that

“He’s been out for a while,” she said “You ready to take a break?” Hopper could exist in this living form or be transformed into a small statue, which helped avoid uncomfortable questions when people cah

“Yeah He keeps trying to eat oodbye”

She gave hiht tickle on the chin and spoke the words that turned hiain, his health required he corown on me

“I’ll take hi him into her purse Even if he was inert, he still benefited fro near her

Free of his beady little gaze, I gave her a long kiss goodbye, one I was reluctant to let end I cupped her face in my hands

“Escape plan number seventeen,” I told her “Run away and open a juice stand in Fresno”

“Why Fresno?”

“Sounds like the kind of place people drink a lot of juice”

She grinned and kissedjoke with us, always far-fetched and numbered in no particular order I usually h, was that they were actually ht out than any real plans we had Both of us were painfully aware that ere verybut clear

Breaking that second kiss was difficult too, but she finally ed it, and I watched her walk away My apartment seemed dimmer in her absence

I brought in the rest of the boxes froh the treasures within Most of the albuhties here and there They weren’t organized, but I didn’t ot over her stance that they were a wasteful splurge, she wouldn’t be able to help herself and would end up sorting theenre or color For now, I set up the record player inroom and pulled out an album at random: Machine Head by Deep Purple

I had a few more hours until dinner, so I crouched down in front of an easel, staring up at the blank canvas as I tried to decide how to deal with : a self-portrait It didn’t have to be an exact likeness It could be abstract It could be anything, so long as it was representative of me And I was stumped I could’ve painted anyone else I knew Maybe I couldn’t capture that exact look of rapture Sydney had in my arms, but I could paint her aura or the color of her eyes I could have painted the wistful, fragile face ofprincess of the Moroi I could have painted flairlfriend, who’d torn ed to make me admire her