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Chapter One

Olivia I’ve lost her three times The first was to impatience The second was to a lie so dense we couldn’t work our way through it, and the third time — this time — I’ve lost her to Noah

Noah He’s a good guy I checked hiland and he still wouldn’t be good enough for her Olivia is a piece of art You have to kno to interpret her, how to see the beauty under the harsh lines of her personality When I think of hi her in ways I can’t, I want to poundleft

She’s mine She always has been, she alill be We’ve been running in opposite directions for the last ten years, and we collide at every turn So for each other, other times it’s fate

She has the kind of love that can stain your soul,not to have one, just to escape the spell she’s put you under I’ve tried to break ot more of her in my veins than blood

I see her now; she’s on TV All seventy-two inches of the screen are filled with Olivia: black hair, a on the table in front of her Channel six news is covering the story Dobson Scott Orchard, a notorious rast who kidnapped eight girls in a twelve-year span, is on trial … and Olivia is defending him It turns my stomach Why she would take thisof her Perhaps her conte worthless criminals She defended my wife once and won the case that could have put her behind bars for twenty years Now, she sits cal over to say so in his ear as they wait for the jury to enter the room with their verdict I am on my second scotch I don’t know if I’m nervous for her or about her My eyes drift to her hands — you can always tell what Olivia is feeling by her hands They’ve stopped tapping and are fisted, her tiny wrists resting on the edge of the table like they’re chained there I have a bird’s eye view of her wedding band I pour myself another scotch, shoot it, and toss the bottle aside The screen switches to aabout the mere six hours that the jury deliberated — what it means for the verdict Suddenly, he jerks in his seat like someone has shocked him The jury has entered the courtrooe will read the verdict Let’s go there now

I sit forward in— a nervous habit — and I wish I had another finger of scotch The entire courtroom is on its feet Dobson looms over Olivia, who looks like a tiny porcelain doll next to hi a blue silk blouse — my favorite shade Her hair is clipped back, but the waves are escaping the pins and falling around her face She’s so beautiful; I drop my head to avoid the memories They co I see it on my pillow, I see it in my hands, I see it in the pool where I first kissed her It’s the first thing you notice about her: tiny girl, surrounded by a mass of wavy, dark hair After we broke up, she cut it I alnize her in the music store where we ran into each other My shock at how she’d changed aided my lie I wanted to know the Olivia who cut her hair and cut through a roo only her lies Lies, it sounds demented to want a woman’s lies But, Olivia loves you with her lies She lies about how she’s feeling, how she’s hurting, how she wants you when she tells you she doesn’t She lies to protect you and herself

I watch as she impatiently swipes a strand of it behind her ear To the untrained eye, this is a noresture, but I see the way her wrist yanks back She is agitated

I se reads Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity By God — she did it I run all ten fingers through ratulate her She collapses in her seat, wearing her shock in her eyebrows Everyone is e her on the back More of her hair bounces loose as she sustains the congratulations Dobson will be sent to an institute for the mentally disturbed, rather than federal prison I wait to see if she will e hiht smile The caed Everyone looks enraged She’senemies — it’s her specialty I want to protect her, but she’s not mine I hope Noah’s up for the task

I grabThe air is thick with huhts Drenched as soon as I leaveand head for the beach It’s peak hour for traffic I cut through the buitated eyes that follow me across the street Mercedes, BMWs, Audis — the people in ood to run My condo is a et there I glance at the yachts as I dodge a couple strollers and think about my boat It’s been a while since I worked on it Maybe that’s what I need, a day with the boat When I reach the water, Ithe shore This is where I deal with er

I run until I can’t Then I sit in the sand, breathing hard I have to pull ether If I wade in this sewer of e my cell from my pocket, I hit the home button My mother answers, breathless, like she’s been on her elliptical We pass through the niceties No matter what the situation, no matter how desperate my voice could be, ive me a brief update on her roses I wait until she’s finished, and then say in ato take the job in London”

There is a moment of shocked silence before she responds Her voice is overly happy “Caleb, it’s the right thing Thank God it cairl — what a mistake that wa-”

I cut her off, tell her I’ll call tomorrow after I’ve spoken to the London office I take oneto London

But, I don’t

I wake up to pounding At first I think it’s the construction going on intheir kitchen I crushtosounds closer to home I roll onto my back and listen The roo is cos over the side of the bed and pull on a pair of grey paja rooathering for weeks I fling open the door, and everything freezes Breath … beats of heart … thought

Neither of us says a word as we size each other up Then she pushes pastup here is theat the open door, watching her in confusion, when she turns the full battery of her eyes on me It takesI can hear so a drill in the condo upstairs I can see a birdits way across the sky, just outside ards to her She’s not really here after all these years

“What are you doing here, Duchess?”

I take her in; absorb her She looks manic, her hair is braided down her back, but there are pieces of it that have come loose all around her face Her eyes are lined in kohl, drenched in emotion I’ve never seen her wear her ry gesture I braceof expletives that usually coer

“What? You don’t clean anymore?”

Not what I was expecting I kick the door shut withthe back ofis a pair of pajae dorm

I edgeroom and I sit down, uncomfortably I watch her pace

Suddenly, she stops “I let hi psycho!” She slaps a fist into her open palm on the last word Her foot touches an empty bottle of scotch, and it rolls across the hardwood We both folloith our eyes until it disappears under the table

“What the fk is wrong with you?” she asks, looking around

I lean back and link aze to the disaster that is my condo

“You should have thought of that before you took the case”

She looks ready to punch er on my chest, and scoop back up to my face All of a sudden, she’s sober I see it fill her eyes, the realization that she came here and she shouldn’t have We both make our move at the same time She bolts for the door; I jump up and block her

She keeps her distance, tucking her botto less sure

“Your move,” I say

I see her throat spashts, ss ten years of us

“All right … all right!” she says finally She walks back around the couch and sits down on the recliner We’ve begun our usual game of cat and mouse I’m comfortable with this

I sit on the love seat and stare at her expectantly She uses her thu — she stops I alh when she pulls up the foot of the recliner and slouches backwards like she belongs here

“Do you have a Coke?”

I stand up and get her a bottle froe I don’t drink Coke, but I always have it in e Maybe it’s for her I don’t know She pops the cap, pressing the bottle against her lips and chugging She loves the burn

When she’s done, she wipes the back of her hand across her mouth and stares at me like I’m the snake She’s the snake