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Kind of like Kate is doing right now

My head dips and I grasp one perky nipple with ue Kate arches her back Her chin rises and her hs squeeze harder, her puy clenches tighter

Even with the birth of a child on its résu as it did that first tiel

My hps speed up and change their trajectory, thrusting to and fro in hard, quick strokes When I know she can’t take it any her blissful cry As much as I crave the sound of Kate’s voice, these days it’s all about staying quiet Covert

Why? you ask

Let’s pause here a minute and I’ll explain

It’s our golden rule Our first co baby

I’ll repeat that in case you missed it:

DON’T WAKE THE FUCKING BABY

Likeever

Still don’t get it? Must not have kids then See, children are beautiful Precious Angelic Particularly when they’re asleep If they’re disturbed ry little beasts who bear a striking reseht

And the cold truth is, even when they’re well rested, babies are pretty frigging selfish Self-centered and de before they needed you, or— to do They only care about thery They’re wet They want you to pick theotten old

For all you happy couples out there awaiting the arrival of your own darling little cockblocker? I’onna tell you how it really is—not the utopian bullshit they feed you in those What to Expect books

Here it goes: In the days after they’re born, when you’re still in the hospital, all infants do is sleep I think the numbers are like twenty-three out of a twenty-four-hour day I think they’re slipping so into those bottles in the nursery

Anyway, after a day or two, if all goes well, the hospital sends you hoh And finds so else to do to pass the time

Did you know an infant’s cry is twenty decibels higher than a train whistle? I shit you not Look it up if you don’t believe me

By day three, I was convinced soastrointestinal disorder Maybe he was allergic to the wallpaper

Maybe he just didn’t fking like us

Whatever the reason, he was not a happy caer to let us know it In the h the night