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All I can think of before I hit the ground is I’m not ready to die

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Nikki

“I love you, Marco ”

I said it I couldn’t look into my boyfriend’s deep, dark eyes as the words flowed sea back I figured saying I love you as a conversation starter would be easier than saying I nant It was cowardly not to look into his eyes and tell hi those three words is a start I feel more vulnerable than I’ve ever felt before

I don’t do vulnerable well

I breathe out slowly and gather up the courage to look up at inity to each other a randmother

I can’t even think about it now as I focus on him Okay, I said I love you Your turn to say it back, like you whispered in my ear the first time we made love Then I’ll tell you Iout Then you’ll tell ether

He’s s Well, kinda The side of hisfor ans that it was okay to tell hi eren’t outside and hoping nobody froh school suddenly shows up I wrap my arms around myself It’s not that warm in Illinois yet, and the wind off the lake

is definitelyme shiver Or maybe it’s my nerves

“You don’t have to say it back to me,” I say to fill the silence, but that’s a complete lie I do expect Marco to say it back to me I don’t want to hear it just on special occasions and e’relove

The first ti dance back in September Then on New Year’s Eve And on Valentine’s Day And hts I lie alone in my bed and think about how our love will last forever

We don’t have the same friends because we live on different sides of Fairfield, but that’s never o to my house and just … be with each other

And noeto take the news?

Today is the last day of our freshested we go to the beach after school when I told him I needed to talk

It makes sense, really The beach is our special place

We had our first kiss on the beach last suirlfriend there the second week of school We els on that same beach back in January e had a snow day We come here to share all our private secrets, like once he told uns around town so the police wouldn’t catch theuys ere heavily connected

He steps away frooose bu is up besides the wind coh his jet-black hair Then sighs Twice

“I think we should see other people,” he murmurs

I cock ht

There are a few phrases that a girl expects to hear after she declares her love to her boyfriend I can think of a few right off the top of my head, but I think we should see other people isn’t one of them

I’ pregnant without hi will be okay

“W-hy?”

“You always said you’d never date a gang onna be one ”

“Of course I won’t date a gang o you told ht before we made love Remember?”

He winces “I said a lot of things I probably shouldn’t have And could you please not call it makin’ love … every time you say it like that you make me feel like shit ”

“What do you want me to call it?”

“Sex ”

“Just sex, huh?”

He rolls his eyes, and I swear my stomach lurches in response “See, now you’re makin’ me feel like shit on purpose ”

“I’ it on purpose ”

He opens his , then must think better of it, because he shuts it

I scan his face, hoping he’ll say Just joking! Of course I pick you over the Latino Blood, but he doesn’t My heart feels like so away at it, piece by piece

“We’re just … so different ”

“No we’re not We’re perfect together We go to the saether … we’re both Mexican ”