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Prologue

19 years old

I think I've finally becohost just like I pretended to do when I was a kid It was nuht before X-ray vision--h Tina Bellonte's shirt--and right after wishing how to fly I'ot scratched off because I can see underneath women's shirts now prettywell, I'ht now I swear to God I do I just need to get the balls to test the theory Take the last step

"Tristan ," Dylan calls out from three stories dohere the bottoht have been wrong about the invisibility because apparently he can see reat of a thing I wouldn't necessarily call hi one He doesn't talk much, doesn't ask h he is kind of a douche, but hey, aren't we all at some point

"Leave ht sky above me, so far away, yet when I reachthe stars

"Not until your du of his beer

I shakebetween my lips, arms outstretched totheory will be tested "No way Not unless I jump It's the only way"

"To what?"

"To see if I can fly"

Dylan shakes his head "Not that shit again Jesus, you do this every time you hit acid,lot, annoyed

"I'h anymore" Sadly, it's the truth I' in a roos, and I was just there, existent, but nonexistent at the sa life in the shadohile everyone else seeht

"Tristan, the last thing anyone needs here is for the police to show up because your duh and decided to try and kill hi really pissed off now

"That's not what I'ht ahead at the trees across the street I' either I don't have a death wish I' to find a point to all of this Life It confuses the hell out of me People, they confuse the hell out of me Hell, I confuse the hell out of myself

I've been confused for years, the feeling only a the day my parents found out my sister, Ryder, died in a car accident A car accident whereand crashed into another car--not his fault, just a freak accident My parents blay on le day of his life since it happened They've been telling es It takes too y that I don't have So when Quinton calledfor a place to crash this summer, I said okay withoutstoned out of my mind, but still, I'm sure I would have done it sober too Besides, frorapevine, Quinton's been paying for what happened through his own depressing, drug-induced life So why should I add to his misery?

When I told ot shunned by the family I've been shunned by the fa alone is nothing new I'ain and I'll let it all go, because that's what I do I'm not even sure why I care to have theedinto trouble, doing drugs for no other reason than I felt lost in life and alone and drugs temporarily filled that void I couldn't find a purpose in anything Couldn't find friends But drugs nu the sah that I could pretend I had friends When I'm stoned, I'm not so alone, or at least I can see it that way

This has beenstoned, drunk, trashed, and each tinored me even ot worse She was "the good one," according to them And maybe she was She did well in school while I wasteda et put on probation Didn't move out of the house to live in a "shithole trailer park to deal drugs" And they're right She was the good one I'e it I am who I am

"I' a fewe "I swear I a to make it"

"Coet Mallory to fuck you," he entices

"I don't want a pity fuck," I say "I've had way too many of those"

Dylan shakes his head and then throws his arms in the air, exasperated "Fine Do whatever the hell you want It's your funeral" Then he storoff the ledge

Justsuch a pussy and fly

I wonder if I fell off the roof, if anyone would see me Or if ain I could do it and find out--I should do it and find out But after standing there for what see to happen and I step back

Instead of flying for the night, I settle on cli back into the house to take another hit I hang out with people who don't see irl who doesn't knowthat when I wake up toain This isAnd I wonder if this is how it'll always be If I'll always feel so dead and disconnected inside So alone

So invisible

Chapter 1

4 years later

My life is one buh, getting sober High Sober High Sober I've lost track of how otten clean I want to say I'll never do it again, but I'd be the biggest fucking liar on the planet I'll probably do it again, because I struggle to findsober justyears on a doard spiral, alirl--Nova Reed--who ended up falling in love with o through a bunch of treater to the drugs and say that theythis all to me Sometimes I can see it, how fucked up I am on them, and so I try to stop But I still always fall back to thereat I'm an addict Plain and simple

Right now, I' the last severalfor Habitat for Huot sober, he's been all about helping the world I think he thinks if he is always doing soood then it'll make up for the accident, which maybe that's the case And I'm happy he found his sanctuary, the place thatjacked up on heroin and methamphetamine I think Nova helps with that too--helps him stay clean

Me, well I' I don't really have anyone but myself, which ain until someone convinces me to climb back up for a little bit Which is why I'ed into this because Quinton and Nova thought I needed a good distraction from my life of ht I just wish I could focus more on the distraction instead of the addiction

"Hey, handaround with one of the cupboard doors The house we're working on right now should be finished by toia

Quinton wipes soun beside ive it to him and he shoots a few nails in the side of the house "I' totoday?"

Quinton sighs I' irritated withbecause of my sister I think part of him will always blame himself for her death, and for soht not deserve it "You can take off if you want to, but I think Nova had soround and picks up a bottle of water "To celebrate you being hepatitis free and all"

I shake my head I just found out yesterday at ain and I' like that, right? It's not like I was cured of cancer or sorab ot the disease because I was a fucking idiot and shared needles with a bunch of druggies"

He scratches the back of his neck, looking unco sip of his water "Look, " He raises his eyebrows as he puts the lid back on the water "But trust rateful you're clean and healthy now We can celebrate that, right?"

I want to point out how many ti only three weeks ago, a day when I did a line ofht, I'et laid It's been a long time"

Quinton rolls his eyes "Only you"

I hold back a s about how I'll go back to the hotel and sit there in the silence, wondering how long I'll let the eo on Maybe I'll turn on some television, but not to really watch it Just to hear the noise so I'll try not to think about all the hell I went through and how much I want to fall back into to it