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She grins, then places a soft kiss on ood care of me"

"That's because I love you," I tell her as she hops offmy arms above my head

Still grinning, she picks up a pair of my jeans and throws theet dressed" Then she walks out ofI love you back

But I know she loves et dressed, like she asked Then I head out, not because I want to but because I love her,

She means the world to me Alill Until the day I die

May 10, six days before summer break

Nova

I re felt so si, candy and costus weren't clear to me yet, not until I elve and realized that not everything was sunshine The memory is as clear to me as the sunny sky

"I bet you can't beatas he pedals his bike down the hill

I s my bike faster It's brand-neith purple and silver paint, and has stripes on the pedals that reflect the sunlight My tires crunch against the dirt as they spin and spin and I grip the handlebars as I speed down the hill, trying to win Really I don't care, though Nobikes with my dad

He stays a ways ahead of me as ind down the hill, trees around us, a blue sky above us, and the air smells like dirt and leaves I honestly won't be surprised if he slon right before we reach the botto that so happened so that it seems completely accidental

So when he disappears around the corner and then I hear the sound of his tires slowing down I think: Aha! I pedal faster, hitting buhtly when I reach the corner I', filled with the excitement of the race, but when I make it all the way around, my happiness all burns out

My dad's bike is on its side in theon the ground on his back For a split second I think he's playing a joke, taking lettingat his heart, groaning

Pressing on the brakes, I sloorried he's fallen off his bike and hurt himself When I reach hiround as I rush over to hi I notice is hohite his skin is, like the cotton falling off the trees Then I see the fear in his eyes Sheer terror that so bad is about to happen

"Novaget help" His voice shakes

Tears sting at ?"

"Just go get so at his arm

The look in his eyes et on it and pedal back up the hill It's a very steep slope and it usually takes forever, but soer than they normally are and move faster then I ever have When I reach the top, I search the parking lot for someone There's a family at one of the picnic tables and I run over to the my bike near the trail

"My dad," I pant, leaning over, grasping my knees "He fell back there and he's hurt"

The father of the fao call an ao on foot, running down the hill I really think he's going to be okay I really think because I got help, did everything right, that everything will be okay, but e reach hiuy checks his pulse and he doesn't have one

I don't knohat to do I want to cry, but the guy keeps looking at me with pity, like he feels sorry for me, and it , that everything will be okay

I've been re my dad's death a lot over the last twenty-four hours, ever since I found out about Quinton and his past I think part of it's because Lea keeps looking at uy did after he realized my dad didn't have a pulse Like she pities me, because I want to find Quinton, because I don't knohere he's living and I want to help hi--she has to be

At least that's what I keep tellingain there's still hope, that Quinton's still alive, therefore hope still exists," I say to ht blinks "That hope can only be gone when so, when they take their last and final breath, when they don't co room, with e, so led atI've been in this position, but I can feel the blood pooling in my head

I started s of myself partly because I was interested in filhts out There was also a teeny part of me that did it because it made me feel connected to my deceased boyfriend, Landon, because he made a video, minutes before he committed suicide

Because I let him fall from my life, just like I did Quinton

I blink at the cao there and to keep positive "Hope is what keepsfor Quinton--what makes me determined to find him and help hi to be hard, that it'll s I did inback, I realize that Quinton entered my life for a reason It o, but it does now And all that stuff I went through, the suood because it gives h I've seen the darkness that's probably around Quinton right now and I knohat it feels like to feel like you're drowning in it" I trail off as the hted and unwelcome, but I take a deep breath and free the tension

"Althoug

h I'm sure there's way one deeper into the drug world than I ever did--into crystal methfro than anything I ever did, but then again there are so s that could be classified as addiction" I trail off and shutdevil--I swear to God it is Whether it's drugs or obsessive counting, so I still suffer fro, peaceful, serene It can make you feel so in control, but it's just a mask, plain and si to hide--is still growing, feeding off the addiction--"

"Nova, get in here," Lea, my best friend and roo "

I open e on the screen, so different from how I appeared last su denial "I'll pick up on this later," I say toto my feet

Blood rushes down fro the nearly eainst the wall and make my way to the bedroom

"What'd you find?" I ask Lea as I stuh the doorway

She's sitting on the floor in theboxes with the cos stretched out in front of her "An old newspaper article on the Internet that mentions a Quinton Carter involved in a fatal car accident in Seattle"

I briefly stop breathing "What's it say?" I whisper, fearing the truth She skims the article on the screen "It says that he was one of the drivers and that two people in the car he was driving were dead on arrival" She pauses, sucking in a slow breath "And it says that he died, too, but that the paramedics revived him"

I s hard as denial begins to evaporate and I'm forced to admit the truth All that time I spent with Quinton and I didn't know the dark secrets eating away at him "Are you sure that's what it says?" I ask her, denial trying to grasp hold one last ti to hold on to the idea that Quinton just does drugs because he's bored Things would be easier if that were the case Well, not easy, but then I'd just be helping him with addiction instead of what's hidden beneath the addiction And things are never easy--life never is Mine isn't Landon's wasn't Quinton's isn't Lea's isn't Sostories and I wish I could document them all