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Prologue

The roo, a present for your fifth birthday, and a sliver of ht from thethat slants in silver bars across your bedroom floor

You lie so still, your lashes fanning your cheeks, your golden hair spread across your pillow You’re so beautiful, and just looking at you makes my heart ache and ache

Your breath is so soft I can barely hear it, but at least I can see the steady rise and fall of your chest, every breath a proot you For now

I’ve been reconcilingout the words, testing the reality like a toe dipped in ice water, but ininto et here? How can this be?

And, worst of all, the question I’ve seen clouding your eyes too often: why is this happening to me?

I rise from the side of your bed, too restless to sit still I pick up your toy rabbit with the silk-lined ears that has fallen on the floor and tuck it safely under your arle closer

In the quiet stillness of a long, lonely night, I let myself look back over the years – all the choices, all theto this

It is a for in every detail because of the questions I must ask s differently? What if I’d been sht from the start? What if?

You wouldn’t be here You wouldn’t be here at all And in this edy, overwhelmed by love, I don’t know the answer to that terrible, desperate question – if I could go back and do things differently, would I?

Part One

One