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Prologue

MY LIFE HAD BEEN a series of calculated, risk-tabulated endeavours

My brother had taught me that

Froet ht get kicked Drop et, and I would almost certainly be punished

That lesson stayed withfrorain itself on rabbed a brand, stuck it in a fire, and seared into my every cell

I didn’t do reckless I didn’t do impulsive Every step in my life had been premeditated, planned, and controlled

Until one night, when I’d had a dream about a place called Euphoria Where a mortal man could fuck any female he wanted Sky, sea, fiction, or fact Any illusion, any fantasy, a place where rules bowed to your desires, gravity kneeled to your wishes, and life was no longer full of ic

And in that drea hair the colour of rich coffee A girl with leggy length, a strong soul, and ed me to touch her, lick her, worship her

And for the first ti spontaneous, ierous

I took her

I let ination and fucked a goddess I would never be able to find

When I woke up, II could return to such a place, to find such a creature, to be happy

But such a place didn’t exist Such a girl didn’t exist And that denial of everything that I wanted beca force to twist the ih methodical education and instinctual evolution, I created an elixir I conjured Euphoria I brought forth a new dimension…all thanks to a dream

But noirl who’d stolen my heart

The goddess I wanted irl ould forever condemn me to loneliness because no one would ever compare

Euphoria was real, but I wanted nothing to do with it because I wouldn’t settle for a fucking lie I wouldn’t code a fantasy or change the face of another to indulge in because if I did—if I allowed myself the illusion that she was real—I’d turn my back on reality to stay with her

I’d turn my back on all the souls I’d helped save All the souls who relied on oddamn loneliness

So, I allowed others to play in round

I clung to the lessons ht me

I stayed iron-fisted, guarded, and restrained

Until the night I dreaain

A silver-eyed enchantress who haunted me

And I typed an e out a half-conscious, sleep-hazed request

Find aze

I forgot about such a request until I earned a reply months later