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Prologue

“All rise”

As the judge corand name for a space the size of a classroom, fitted out with Formica tables and plastic chairs—my palms dampen My heart races For a second, I see stars and I think I ht pass out Finally this day is here, and I have no idea how to feel about it

The judge, a woman with hair the color of steel and an expression tobriefly and impassively on me, before she refers to her notes

“This is the first hearing to review current custody arrangements for Dylan McBride” The words fall into the stillness, and then she clears her throat as she looks down at the case file with all its notes and documentations, accusations and commendations, blame and praise

I take a deep breath and glance at Lisa, the court-appointed lawyer standing next to s on her, on this moment, and of course on me Me I can’t pretend this isn’t all about h

I feel soaze I never expected, and I turn And then we begin

1

BETH

I’m about to lose my son over a pack of Twizzlers Of course, that’s not the whole story It can’t be But in thewoman I’ve learned not to trust, took Dylan away as he kicked and screamed for me, that’s how it felt A lousy pack of Twizzlers

But this is how it really happened—I was in the systeed and visits ins about how messy your house is or how tired you look, you’re screwed That’s the unfortunate truth

So when Dylan lost it in the middle of a CVS because I wouldn’t buy him a second pack of Twizzlers, and a woman in the next aisle poked her head around all suspiciously, eyes narrowed as she watched Dylan throw hiainst it—I realized this was going to be bad

I’ve tried not to take Dylan out very much, for exactly this reason We make do with the places he knows and loves—the park, the library, Whole Foods when it’s not busy When he does et him out of the situation as quickly and safely as possible I try, and souilt I feel is the worst part of it all No one feels as bad about losing my temper as I do

So that’s what happened in CVS I told Dylan he couldn’t have the Twizzlers because I’d come out with a five-dollar bill and I’d already spent it We’d been having a tough o back to sleep till seven, and the only reason I was at CVS at all was because I needed tampons

So there I was—tired, cra Dylan hadn’t seen the Twizzlers He doesn’t even eat them, he just likes to play with them like they’re pipe cleaners or bendy straws, and he makes some pretty awesome creations out of them

But today I didn’t have the et them later—a concept that, at only just seven years old, he doesn’t fully appreciate—I lost le-note shriek that I know people think is weird, and , that he won’t stop, that I can’t control this situation

I shouldn’t have lost my temper I know that Of course I know that But I did, just a little bit—even though all I did was shout his narab his arm to pull him up from the floor, and then, before I knew it, there was a wo the hotline for DCF That’s Connecticut’s Department of Children and Families, if you don’t know I do

Of course, nothing happens the etting involved, and then the police had to co taken by police car to the station on Ray everyone to calh the only one as upset was Dylan, and he wasn’t listening to the policeman’s advice