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In response, the woman rolled her eyes "You're lucky," she said

Denise looked at her curiously "Excuse me?"

"I said you're lucky" She nodded toward her son "This one here never shuts up"

Denise glanced at the floor, nodded with tight lips, then turned and left the store Despite the stress of the stor and her time at the evaluation center, all she could think about was Kyle Walking toward the car, Denise suddenly felt the urge to cry

"No," she whispered to herself, "you're the lucky one"

Chapter 1

Why had this happened? Why, of all the children, was Kyle the one?

Back in the car after stopping for gas, Denise hit the highway again, staying ahead of the storm For the next twenty minutes rain fell steadily but not ominously, and she watched the wipers push the water back and forth while she made her way back to Edenton, North Carolina Her Diet Coke sat between the eh she kneasn't good for her, she finished the last of it and iht another The extra caffeine, she hoped, would keep her alert and focused on the drive, instead of on Kyle But Kyle was always there

Kyle What could she say? He'd once been part of her, she'd heard his heart beating at twelve weeks, she'd felt his nancy After his birth, while still in the delivery room, she took one look at hi ed, although she wasn't in any way a perfect mother These days she siood with the bad, looking for joys in the little things With Kyle, they were sometimes hard to find

She'd done her best to be patient with him over the last four years, but it hadn't always been easy Once, while he was still a toddler, she'd momentarily placed her hand over hisfor over five hours after staying awake all night, and tired parents everywhere h, she'd done her best to keep her e, she slowly counted to ten before doing anything; when that didn't work, she left the room to collect herself Usually it helped, but this was both a blessing and a curse It was a blessing because she knew that patience was necessary to help him; it was a curse because it made her question her own abilities as a parent

Kyle had been born four years to the day after her iven to believing in signs, Denise could hardly regard that as a coincidence Kyle, she felt sure, was a gift from God Kyle, she knew, had been sent to replace her family Other than him, she was alone in the world Her father had died when she was four, she had no siblings, her grandparents on both sides had passed away Kyle immediately became the sole recipient of the love she had to offer But fate is strange, fate is unpredictable Though she showered Kyle with attention, it soh Now she led a life she hadn't anticipated, a life where Kyle's daily progression was carefully logged in a notebook Now she led a life completely dedicated to her son Kyle, of course, didn't cos they did every day Kyle, unlike other children, never colanced in the rearview mirror

"What are you thinking about, sweetie?"

Kyle atching the rain as it blew against the s, his head turned sideways His blanket was in his lap He hadn't said anything since he'd been in the car, and he turned at the sound of her voice

She waited for his response But there was nothing

Denise Holton lived in a house that had once been owned by her grandparents After their deaths it had become her mother's, then eventually it had passed on to her It wasn'tset on three acres, built in the 1920s The two bedroo room weren't too bad, but the kitchen was in dire need of modern appliances and the bathroom didn't have a shower At both the front and back of the house the porches were sagging, and without the portable fan she sometimes felt as if she would bake to death, but because she could live there rent-free, it was exactly what she needed It had been her home for the past three months

Staying in Atlanta, the place she'd grown up, would have been impossible Once Kyle was born, she'd used the money her mother had left her to stay at home with him At the time, she considered it a temporary leave of absence Once he was a little older, she had planned to go back to teaching The money, she kneould run out eventually, and she had to earn a living Besides, teaching was so she'd loved She'd missed her students and fellow teachers after her first week away Now, years later, she was still at ho but a vague and distantmore akin to a dreale lesson plan or the naht If she didn't know better, she would have sworn that she'd never done it at all

Youth offers the prorief Her father, her one before she turned twenty-one At that point in her life she'd been to five different funeral hoally couldn't enter a bar to wash the sorroay She'd suffered es, but God, it seeles, hers continued to go on "Middle-class lifestyle?" Not anyrown up with?" You must leave them behind "A job to enjoy?" It is too much to ask And Kyle, the sweet, wonderful boy for whom all this was done--in many ways he was still a mystery to her

Instead of teaching she worked the evening shift at a diner called Eights, a busy hangout on the outskirts of Edenton The owner there, Ray Toler, was a sixty-so black man who'd run the place for thirty years He and his wife had raised six kids, all of ent to college Copies of their diplo the back wall, and eve

ryone who ate there knew about them Ray made sure of that He also liked to talk about Denise She was the only one, he liked to say, who'd ever handed hi for the job

Ray was a man who understood poverty, a man who understood kindness, a le , there's a s your son with you, as long as he doesn't get in the way" Tears formed in her eyes when he showed it to her There were two cots, a night-light, a place where Kyle would be safe The next evening Kyle went to bed in that small room as soon as she started on her shift; hours later she loaded him in the car and took hied

She worked four nights a week, five hours a shift, earning barely enough to get by She'd sold her Honda for an old but reliable Datsun two years ago, pocketing the difference Thatsince been spent She'd beco corners She hadn't bought new clothes for herself since the Christh her furniture was decent, they were reazines, she didn't have cable television, her stereo was an old booe The last movie she'd seen on the silver screen was Schindler's List She seldo-distance phone calls to her friends She had 238 in the bank Her car was nineteen years old, with enough ine to have circled the world five times

None of those things h Only Kyle was important

But never once had he told her that he loved her

On those evenings she didn't work at the diner, Denise usually sat in the rocking chair on the porch out back, a book across her lap She enjoyed reading outside, where the rise and fall of chirping crickets was so in its monotony Her home was surrounded by oak and cypress and mockernut hickory trees, all draped heavily in Spanish h theht, shadows that looked like exotic aniravel ay