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CHAPTER 1
HE’D hoped if he drank enough the night before he’d sleep right through today Instead his eyes popped open at eight AM, and sunlight promptly fried his retinas
Ethan Kelly threw an arm over his face and lay there as the reality of the day hit hiut
June 16
He could say so incredibly corny likeJune 16, the day his world irrevocably changed June 16, the day everything went to hell Truth was, it had done that long before
The phone rang shrilly froe to s pierced his skull like an ice pick
When it didn’t quit in a reasonable length of time, he reached over and yanked the cord fro fa Ethan wanted today was sympathy
If it was his dad, he’d give Ethan a lecture about how Rachel wouldn’t like the man he’d becoe difference there He hadn’t liked the man he’d been
Frank Kelly would go on about hoas tih
If it was one of his brothers calling, they’d ride his ass about when he was co to work for KGI
Try never
Knowing there was no chance of hi back to sleep with a head that was split apart at the seae of the bed and planted his feet on the floor
He’d sought oblivion, but all he had to show for the alcohol binge was cotton ested lead
And he still had to face today
Eyes closed, he pressed his fingers into his te into his eye sockets, and hein his vision
Rachel
Her na , beautiful wife They floated there like butterflies
Just as quickly they shriveled and turned black as if sos to fire
Rachel was gone
She was dead
She wasn’t co home
He pushed hiered toward the bathroom His reflection didn’t shock him, and he didn’t spare a moment to splash his face ater or wash out his ue rasping over the roof of his mouth
He needed a drink Preferably so to make him puke
Mechanically, he walked barefooted across the wood floors into the living roo was just as she’d left it The rooant, and uncluttered
He was a rough-around-the-edges slob
With a heavy sigh, he wandered into the kitchen to ht Maybe it was time to put the past behind him Get on with his sorry life But he wasn’t sure he could ever forgive hi her away
He stood by the coffee He could sell the house andsmaller It didn’t make sense to keep it since it was just him now
He needed to move somewhere he wasn’t reminded of her at every turn, but then this was part of his penance She didn’t deserve to be forgotten and discarded even if that’s what he’d done
He thrust his cup forward and poured the stealass table that overlooked the back deck He sat and stared out over the landscape that had suffered over the last year Rachel and hishours planting and weeding Ethan had helped—when he was home
He’d often been gone for weeks on end, the assignments always out of the blue, classified He left Rachel with her never knohere he was going or if he’d return It was no way for them to live
He’d resigned his co the two years they were married, he’d failed her a lot, and he’d sworn he wouldn’t do it again But he had
He rubbed his eyes then let his hand rest lingeringly on the three days’ worth of stubble that resided on his jaw He was a wreck
A flash of peach caught his eye He zeroed in on the vase of roses he’d bought yesterday They were her favorite Not quite orange, not quite pink, she’d always say A perfect shade of peach He should take therave, but he wasn’t sure he could bear to stand over that cold slab of marble and tell her for the fortieth time he was sorry
As quickly as the thought seared through his o It was the least he could do In the weeks leading up to the one-year anniversary of her death, he’d avoided the ce to shirk his responsibility He’d made a practice of it
He shoved the cup of coffee across the table, sloshing liquid over the ri the mess, he went back into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt He needed a shower and a shave, but he wasn’t taking the time to do either If his appearance put people off, all the better Making senda
Back in the kitchen, he paused in front of the vase of roses With shaking fingers, he touched one of the soft petals He hadn’t bought Rachel flowers in a long tie What did it say about hiht them now?
Regret was hard enough for a e that he could never do anything to right the wrongs was more than he could bear
He gripped the vase, his self-disgustaround his belly He grabbed for his keys and stalked toward the front door, deterrave, face the past and make his peace with the day
As he opened the door, he came face-to-face with a FedEx deliveryuy, but judging by the way the uessed he didn’t look too welco
“Are you Ethan Kelly?” the guy asked nervously
“Yeah”
CHAPTER 1
HE’D hoped if he drank enough the night before he’d sleep right through today Instead his eyes popped open at eight AM, and sunlight promptly fried his retinas
Ethan Kelly threw an arm over his face and lay there as the reality of the day hit hiut
June 16
He could say so incredibly corny likeJune 16, the day his world irrevocably changed June 16, the day everything went to hell Truth was, it had done that long before
The phone rang shrilly froe to s pierced his skull like an ice pick
When it didn’t quit in a reasonable length of time, he reached over and yanked the cord fro fa Ethan wanted today was sympathy
If it was his dad, he’d give Ethan a lecture about how Rachel wouldn’t like the man he’d becoe difference there He hadn’t liked the man he’d been
Frank Kelly would go on about hoas tih
If it was one of his brothers calling, they’d ride his ass about when he was co to work for KGI
Try never
Knowing there was no chance of hi back to sleep with a head that was split apart at the seae of the bed and planted his feet on the floor
He’d sought oblivion, but all he had to show for the alcohol binge was cotton ested lead
And he still had to face today
Eyes closed, he pressed his fingers into his te into his eye sockets, and hein his vision
Rachel
Her na , beautiful wife They floated there like butterflies
Just as quickly they shriveled and turned black as if sos to fire
Rachel was gone
She was dead
She wasn’t co home