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PROLOGUE

I was six years old when I got my first taste of hell

I woke up to a horrible howling noise, like a dog caught in the throes of deep eony that went beyond the physical It was chilling Terrifying Like, make your balls shrivel up into pricks of ice sort of terror It quickly plucked ahatever ignoranceface This wasn’t a dream This was as real as all hell There was a monster in my house, the kind that preyed on little boys, but it wasn’t under my bed or in my closet It was next door Or, as it see its way from the kitchen

It wasand furniture scuffling,voice, his threats, his pathetic cries that betrayed the collected ly It always sounded ugly but tonight I was especially scared When a vicious cry was followed by the sound of so shoved into a wall, I’ your pants see to do when the monster was loose and Ithat it was ainst the wall I’m callous, maybe I’ve been called worse But if it werefor me next

I thought about pulling the covers overfrom it all like a coward, but that never worked I would pretend all I could that my blanket wasbad in the world but I learned at a very young age that there was no such thing as shelter Maybe I would have been safer if I didn’t care Maybe indifference could have been my protector But I still loved - and feared - ave them the upper hand They sure as fuck didn’t love me

I heard a shuffling froh it rattled ot out of bed Michael was just three years older but he olden boy, the child of light I was the runt, the child of dark I feared Michael didn’t

I quickly jumped out of bed and scurried across to the door, purposelythe part of the floor that I knew squeaked I turned the knob silently and saw Michael’s shadow just down the hall, heading toward the stairs Half of hiht

He stopped as soon as he heard h I could barely see it, I could feel the look It said go back to bed, you’ll get us in trouble Only I could get us in trouble just by being awake I still don’t knohy my mother had it in for me Sometie That’s a fucking terrifying thought I’d be lying if I said that, and other things, didn’t keep ht

That look though from Michael, that was the ood, to knoasn’t inhus too Maybe not the way I did, but hell if I hadn’t been wondering if my brother was born without a soul Now I kneas just older and better at hiding it than me

I opened er to his lips We listened The wailing had stopped There was no more noise

The fresh piss felt cold against s and I was suddenly, acutely embarrassed of what I had done It’s damn funny how Michael had that effect on me

Even funnier was how I re for some sort of pathetic comfort in my blood relative, my Mikey He jumped as if my very touch startled hih it was tiny and claainst bone I never felt as grateful to o Yeah the assould let go later Fuck, he’d order up my own execution if he could (don’t think he wouldn’t try) But at that moment, I wasn’t alone

Wehands You’d think it would be less scary without the yelling and the damn woman howls, but the silence was hazed with suspense and unheard threats, and forget the s myself

When we reached the floor we heard a very slight tinkling of glass We both froze and Michael’s grip on h

The sound was followed by a groan Then a flopping sound of body and skin against shiny tiled floors This wasn’t good This was very, very bad

I wanted to turn and run I think I may have tried But Michael heldout of the door to the kitchen She moved on the floor like a drunk snake That’s what she was, after all A fucking drunk snake out to eat us alive

She didn’t get far Her arot two feet before she gave up and passed out She smelt like wine and evil Like sweat and sadness Of all the feelings that hitback, I pitied her

Michael and I stood there, staring dumbly at our unconscious mother Michael’s eyes were hard in the darkness, tiny pinpricks in the black I wonder, did he feel hate toward her? Did he still love her? Did he feel loved? Or was he as confused as I was, foreverup love and hate and fear and females I’ll never know I don’t think I even care

The spell of shock wore off e heard another sound fro My first instinct was to run and hide I feared hibut a fuck up (not so ist I’m no dummy) But he didn’t notice in the darkness He appeared in the doorway, standing over my mother, with an expression of hopelessness and utter disdain on his face This is what I get, it said

Instead he said, “You boys are getting a nanny We can’t live like this”

Same difference, I suppose

My name is Dex Foray and I’m a hypocrite Proud of it, too I call my mother a monster but I’m the one who took her last name Maybe because unliketo be said for sticking around…even if it kills you

I’m a hypocrite because I can’t stand weakness in others, even though I’h when they try and dish it back Like I’m above it And sometimes I think I am

I’hosts and I’ve pretended all this ti me

And I’e the fuck out of everyone I meet, from their e thee me They think they understand this monster in me, the monster in all of us But they don’t