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PREFACE

YOU WILL LOVE HIM TO RUINS

The words echoed inlights and delighted screaether in a riot of sound and color I knew Noah was behind me I kneould catch up But my feet tried to do what my heart couldn’t; they tried to leave him behind

I finally ran out of breath beneath a leering clown that pointed to the entrance to the Hall of Mirrors Noah caught up to me easily He turned rasp, my cheeks ith tears, my heart splintered by her words

If I truly loved hio

I wished I loved hih

1

LILLIAN AND ALFRED RICE

PSYCHIATRIC UNIT

Miami, Florida

I WOKE UP ON THE MORNING OF SOME DAY IN SOME hospital to find a stranger sitting in my room

I sat up gingerly—er She had dark brown hair that bled into gray at the roots, and hazel eyes ebs of crow’s feet at the corners She smiled at me, and her whole face moved

“Good , Mara,” she said

“Good ,” I said back My voice was low and hoarse It didn’t sound like my own

“Do you knohere you are?”

She obviously didn’t realize that the floor directory was positioned directly outside thebehind her, and that from the bed, I had a clear view “I’m at the Lillian and Alfred Rice Psychiatric Unit” Apparently

“Do you knoho I am?”

I had no idea, but I tried not to show it; she wouldn’t have asked me if we’d never met, and if we had met, I should remember her “Yes,” I lied

“What’s my name?”

Damn My chest rose and fell quickly with my breath

“I’m Dr West,” she said evenly Her voice arm and friendly but not at all faht in by your parents and a detective by the name of Vincent Gadsen”

Yesterday

“Do you remember?”

I re pale and wounded in a hospital bed after he was shot by the irl

I remembered that I was the one who made her do it

I refire ants in her desk, which is why she died of anaphylactic shock

I remembered that it wasn’t true—just a lie I would feed the police so they would keep ain Because they wouldn’t believe I wishedafter, she died Choked to death on a swollen tongue, exactly the way I iined she would

I remembered that before I could tell anyone any of this, I saw Jude at the Thirteenth Precinct of the Metro Dade Police Depart very much alive

But I did not re brought After Jude appeared, I re else

“You were ader—Dr West—said “The detective called your parents when they couldn’t get you to stop screa”

I closed my eyes and saw Jude’s face as he walked by me Brushed past me Smiled The memory stained the backs ofelse

“You told theht died in a building collapse in December, is alive”

“Ex,” I said quietly, fighting to stay calm

“Excuse me?”

“Ex-boyfriend”

Dr West tilted her head slightly and eist expression, one I recognized well since I’d seen it often on ist mother Particularly in the past few months

“You said that you caused the abandoned asylu your best friend, Rachel, and Jude’s sister, Claire, inside You said Jude sexually assaulted you, which is why you tried to kill him And you said he survived You said he’s here”

She was perfectly calnified h they were true And if Dr West knew, then so did—

“Your ht you here for an evaluation”

My mother My fah I hadn’t planned to tell it Even though I didn’t re it

And this here it got me

“We didn’t begin yesterday because you were sedated”

My fingers wandered up my arm, beneath the short sleeve ofwhat must have been the injection site

“Where is she?” I asked, picking at the Band-Aid

“Where is who?”

“My lass, but I didn’t see her The hall looked empty If I could just talk to her, maybe I could explain

“She’s not here”

That didn’t sound like my mother She didn’t leave my side once when I was admitted to the hospital after the asylum collapsed I told Dr West as much

“Would you like to see her?”

“Yes”

“Okay, we can see if we can work that out later”

Her tone ood behavior, and I didn’t like it I swungpants, not the jeans I last reht theed me I sed hard “I think I want to see her now”

Dr West stood up as well “Mara, she isn’t here”

“Then I’ll go find her,” I said, and started looking for my Chucks I crouched to look under the bed, but they weren’t there

“Where are my shoes?” I asked, still crouched

“We had to take them”

I rose then, and faced her “Why?”

“They had laces”

My eyes narrowed “So?”

“You were brought here because your er to yourself and others”

“I really need to talk to her,” I said then, struggling to keep my voice even I bit down hard on my bottom lip