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I didn't ask to be a celebrity I never wanted to appear on The Adrian Lush Show And let's get one thing straight right now – the world would have to be hurtling towards i as dopey as The Thursday Next Workout Video

The publicity surrounding the successful rebookreearisoreed to newspaper interviews, hesitantly appeared on Desert Island Smells and was thankfully excused the embarrassment of Celebrity Name That Fruit! The public, ever fascinated by celebrity, had wanted to know everything about es of Jane Eyre, and since the Special Operations Network have a PR record on a par with that of Vlad the Iood wheeze to usepopularity I dutifully toured all points of the globe doing signings, library openings, talks and interviews The same questions, the sas, literary dinners, offers of book deals I even met the actress Lola Vavoom, who said that she would si, but more than that – it was dull For the first time in my career at the Literary Detectives I actuallyMilton

I'd taken a week's leave as soon as my tour ended so Landen and I could devote some time to ed his furniture, added my books to his and introduced my dodo, Pickwick, to his new home Landen and I ceremoniously partitioned the bedroom closet space, decided to share the sock drawer, then had an argument over as to sleep on the wall side of the bed We had long and wonderfully pointless conversations about nothing in particular, walked Pickwick in the park, went out to dinner, stayed in for dinner, stared at each other a lot and slept in late everyIt onderful

On the fourth day of my leave, just between lunch with Landen's hbour's cat, I got a call froent here in Swindon and she told me that Adrian Lush wanted me on his shoasn't mad keen on the idea – or the show But there was an upside The Adrian Lush Shoent out live and Flakk assuredthat held a great deal of appeal Despite my many appearances, the true story about Jane Eyre was yet to be told – and I had been wanting to drop the Goliath Corporation in it for quite a while Flakk's assurance that this would finally be the end of the press junket clinched my decision Adrian Lush it would be

I travelled up to the Network Toad studios a few days later on et his head down But I wasn't alone for long As soon as I stepped into the large entrance lobby a reen strode purposefully towards me

'Thursday, darling!' cried Cordelia, beads rattling 'So glad you could make it!'

The SpecOps dress code stated that our apparel should be 'dignified' but in Cordelia's case they had obviously stretched a point Anyone looking less like a serving officer was ihly deceptive She was SpecOps all the way froh heels to the pink-and-yellow scarf tied in her hair

She air-kissed me affectionately

'Hoas New Zealand?'

'Green and full of sheep,' I replied 'I brought you this'

I handed her a fluffy toy lamb that bleated realistically when you turned it upside down

'How adorable! How'syou?'

'Very well'

'Excellent, my dear, I wish you both the best Love what you've done with your hair!'

'My hair? I haven't done anything with my hair!'

'Exactly!' replied Flakk quickly 'It's so incredibly you'

She did a twirl

'What do you think of the outfit?'

'One's attention is drawn straight to it,' I replied auously

'This is 1985,' she explained, 'bright colours are the future I'll let you loose in my wardrobe one day'